I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
