ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
