i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What a dumb baby whore.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
