I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
