There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
