I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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