You're so nebulous sometimes
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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