I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
