dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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