Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
