Pants 0. Shit 1.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
