Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
