She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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