...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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