yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
