When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
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My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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