I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
