There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
