I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
