Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
