I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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