You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
