im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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