that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
