When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
