woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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