hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
