Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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