He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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