my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
A+ Viking dick
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
