foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
