You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
