Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
