look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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