i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
