tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
