I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
