I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think my moral compass just broke
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
