So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Two words: nipple clamps
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