wakey wakey hands off snakey
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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