I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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