just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
