If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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