you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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