Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
