I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
