I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
