Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
