I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
