I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
