Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
