One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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