Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
