Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
