Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize