let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to align my fucking chakras
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
