This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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