wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
