I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
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I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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