Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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