Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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