OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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