I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize