listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Still dying that you shit outside
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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