I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
