all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you will always have a special place in my vag
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
