I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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