Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
