New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
