The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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