3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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