I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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