I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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