that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
