She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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