Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
