I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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