a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
